July 29, 2013

19 years 1 day old

I went to GI with my mom yesterday. We had dinner at Marche because I wanted to eat a steak for my birthday dinner lol. I ordered a medium-rare sirloin steak. The sauce was somehow not delicious enough, and the beef was delicious enough, though it’s not as juicy as I wanted. Somehow the beef that I cooked on my own whenever I went to pepper lunch always had that perfect juiciness for me lol.
Perhaps I should order the rare one next time in the future. And I also ate rösti for the side dish as always~
Then we went to a drugstore to buy a new eyeliner for me, and I also bought a lipstick!
well.. the picture is somehow focused on the back…. I was watching digimon adventure lol. I think I’ll do digimon marathon once I’m free with this all stupid practice whatsoever. I hate them so much. They told me to dye my hair black. Fuck.
And since that fragrance thingy on my car isn’t really smelled anymore so I bought a new one. I wanted to hang it on my car today but I forgot so I’ll do it tomorrow!
Anyway, since my mom got herself a new car, she said that I could do whatever I want to the car that I’ve been using, with my own money though lol. I always want to decor my car with hello kitty stuffs!
Then I also bought this!
I seriously have a hard time eating green vegetables so I lack of vitamin K so I bought a supplement(?). It doesn’t say it has vitamin K on it but it consists of lots of vegetable extracts and such so I decided to give it a try. I currently have lots of bruises on my legs so I really need to work on them somehow before the event.
Aaaaand we went to the supermarket and one of my bad habit is buying random things on the spm even though I don’t need it lol. I kinda need it for this one though~

19th Birthday

Last Saturday was my birthday. I woke up early in the morning as usual. Then a little while after I woke up suddenly the door was knocked nonstop and I kinda knew that it’s my friends so I let them knocked it till they were tired. I had a bath and such first till I finally open the door lol. C and R came with a cake and the birthday noodle. I didn’t expect any of my friends to give me surprise though because they’re somehow busy, but if there’s someone who’d give me surprise then I just knew that it’s them. Then we did a little celebration(?), like really quick because I had to go to the campus at very late on 8:30am. 
The cake~!
The birthday noodle~! indomie as always lol
Theeeen the presents~!
Somehow the hello kitty looks evil…..it really suits me though, as I was born evil LOL. The book was one of those books that we bought before C’s birthday and we ended up buying each colour for all of us and our presents for this year lol.
Then I went to the campus for practice and I waited for a fucking long time till another person finally came. I ended up putting all of those chairs upside down with each chair and put all of them to the backside all by myself. Then we finally started the practice in the fucking noon. Seriously what’s wrong with those people. Then they started the surprise for me after the first run. I actually already felt that it’s part of the surprise because suddenly all of them were attacking me and they went in and out of the classroom like checking something outside then went back inside to scolded me whatsoever blah blah blah and I then realized that they wanted me to cry so I did my best not to cry even though they were scolding me for the surprise but I thought what they were saying was kinda true and I should do like a few of them blah blah blah. I actually almost cried but I held it so I wouldn’t lose to them LOL. Then I was actually wanted to say let’s just bring the cake blah blah because I was really thirsty at that time since I hadn’t drank water after the first practice. It took quite some time then finally I think they gave up because I didn’t cry after being scolded this and that and got mad by this and that blah blah blah finally they brought up the cake which I kinda expected the kind of cake that they would bring.
Poor them. Well the surprise was just too obvious because they all started attacking me, and in the way they usually don’t. Each has their own way to tell me this and that but that time they just went blah blah blah blah so I knew right after their first scold lol. I didn’t even care what they said, when they said to cancel the play blah blah blah whatsoever. I kinda wanted to laugh when hearing all of that. Then after the “fail" surprise we started practice again.
I finally got home at around 7pm then I ate the birthday noodle for my dinner. I couldn’t eat it all though. It’s just tooooo much. Then my mom bought me what I actually wanted to buy myself for my birthday treat, my favourite baskin robbin’s mint chocolate chip ice cream! I actually wanted to buy this ice cake, my mom told me that she actually wanted to buy it too but then when she saw their small cakes, they don’t contain ice cream like they used to, only the large cakes do. Since there’s really no one to help me eat that many of cake so she bought the ice cream instead. She bought mint chocolate chip and winter white chocolate.
aaaand also mille crepe from Champs Patisserie!
I’m also getting a new phone! Next month though, the end of next month. Since my mom just paid for another year of rent of the apartment and she just bought a macbook air and a car soooooo we don’t really have much money right now. I’ve told her I wanted the pink twilight galaxy s4. Well I don’t know if the pink one is sold in indonesia, I don’t think it’s sold here currently. I hope next month it’ll finally come here lol. The blue one is sold in Japan, the brown, purple, and red ones are sold in the USA, and I just can’t figure out where they sell the pink one….

July 27, 2013


Today is my birthday! Yay! Sadly I have to go to the campus for the practice from the morning till afternoon or evening. I went home early yesterday and I fell asleep as I was exhausted so I’m not really sleepy right now so I’m sure I’ll be sleepy as hell later this morning. I almost bought another fish and chips yesterday but I remembered that it contained lots of cheese so I decided to not buy it. Finally I practiced the dance for the event, I was sooo lazy to do this till earlier this night. But the event will be in less than 3 weeks so I gotta catch up with them as I’m really behind because I was too lazy to practice -_-

July 26, 2013

Claire’s (again)

I bought some random stuffs at Claire’s again lol. I was browsing claire’s website a few days ago, then I was wondering whether the stuffs there are also available in the shop here. So I went to claire’s yesterday. I didn’t found what I was looking for, but I found this instead!
Well I was looking for pink hair extension, it’s 5 poundsterling for 2 clips and I didn’t find it, but this one’s cool too! It’s also like about 5 poundsterling after conversion, and more colours, and more hair! lol. But it doesn’t look natural though, my friend said it looks so synthetic. I kinda had problem while trying putting them on my hair, because the clip aren’t like the clips for hair extension. I only wanted to try the pink and the blue ones, but I ended up putting them all lol.
purple/violet idk… it kinda look like soft pink… soft purple?
I really love the shocking pink ones, but sadly it doesn’t match my current hair colour :(
blue and soft purple
and my dog tried using it too! lol~
I found it at the kids section though, lol. Apparently, the extensions for teens/adults are only available in natural hair colours in the shop here. And it was but 1 get 1 free product, so I chose this one as the free one.
I used to have lots of headbands when I was a kid, then I only had one headband that I bought during high school, so I decided to get some lol. They’re actually for kids too but since it’s made of plastic(?) so it’s stretchable/flexible (idk lol).

Fish & Co.

I finally ate the new york fish & chips after craving it for months lol. So the fish & co at the mall beside my apt is finally opened this week! I’m so happy~ I didn’t eat there though, so I just took it home.
oops I just realized the pic is blurry DX anyway, since I took it home, it’s not seafood in a pan anymore, seafood in a box instead, lol~
Yum yum yum yum~
Sooooo delicioussss I really love the sauce!! The parmesan cheese and the lemon butter sauce are superb!!!!! Now I’m craving for it again even though I’m still really full by eating it a while ago lol. I couldn’t it all, as always. I only could eat it 3/4 of it at most, sometimes 1/2. Because it’s sooooo big!! Sadly it’s not cheap so I guess I can’t have this frequently..

July 24, 2013

Saturday is my birthday!

My birthday is coming soon!!! Suddenly I really wanna throw a birthday party, at carl’s jr., I’ll invite only my best friends from HS. But I don’t think no one will come though, as they’re busy, two are in other countries, one always cancel last minute, and one kinda can’t go if it’s too far from her home. Sooooooo it’s kinda make me sad actually. I really wanna celebrate my last birthday before I turn 20s with my friends, as we rarely meet each other anymore. But I guess I won’t throw any party at all, and I’ve already said so to my mom. I don’t know. I don’t wanna celebrate with my family or big family either, I just wanna hang out with my old friends. Perhaps I’ll just celebrate it with Fido, my mom, and tumblr this year. As I have to be at campus for the practice till 5pm. Ahhhh perhaps it’ll turn to the worst birthday I’ve ever had.

July 23, 2013


I was listening to one of digimon soundtracks last night before I went to sleep, Break Up. Then I dreamt about digimon last night lol. I wasn’t in the adventure like the one on the anime or something but there were digimons and I still remember clearly that I saw wargreymon and I think garudamon and angewomon as well lol. This makes me wanna watch the anime again lol. I’ve always loved them ever since I watched them the first time when I was 6 years old and I remember I always woke up early in the morning on Sunday only to watch them lol. The best anime ever! I even had the digivices as well lol, even though I didn’t really know how to play with it lol.
I’m changing my desktop wallpaper to digimon! lol

Cute Wonder

My mom’s galaxy w which I’ve been using since she got the galaxy note 2 is so freaking cute right now lol
I downloaded this theme yesterday, I rarely use this phone though. This saturday’s my birthday, and I’m thinking to ask my mom for a new phone. I wanted a pocket digital camera actually, the sony tx30 but I just found out yesterday that it’s not sold in here (。┰ω┰。) So I think I’ll ask for S4 but I wanna wait to see the specs of 5S or 6 even though my current iphone 4 is still great though it’s goddamn slow and I hate slow gadgets so I wanna upgrade to a faster one. But if the new iphone is made of plastics then perhaps I should get S4 instead because it’s loosing its classy feeling even the 5. It weighs more with glasses as the body material but it looks classy and I prefer it that way. 
and I’m kinda enjoying my two days of “calming myself" finally I can feel that I’m on summer holiday! annnnd nothing’s better than eating ice cream in midnight without worrying my weights lol.
I’m kinda amazed that I can’t eat a lot of it, I guess my body is aware that I can’t look fat next month lol. I should do crunches and other exercises but now I’m too lazy and tomorrow when I start going to campus again there won’t be any time doing that as I woke up in the morning to go there and go home at night and get home exhaustedly. Seriously what kind of word is exhaustedly I don’t think it even exists lol but there’s no red underline so perhaps it indeed exists lol. A few days ago one of my colleague asked me how to be slim, and I just don’t fucking know how to answer it because I’m not slim at all if you see me from the right or left side you’ll realize how fat I am, how big my belly is, how big my arms are, how big my tights are. I always try my best covering them up with my clothes though.


My cutest hoodie ❤

My cutest hoodie 

Hoodie: Online Store
Legging: T Spanx Classic


I didn’t join the practice yesterday, I won’t join today as well. I need a rest, I’m just tired of everything. Especially because of the horrible weekend. I will join the practice tomorrow though. I still went to campus yesterday, to do the room borrowing procedure blah blah because the letter was with me. Then I went home, and sleep.
I woke up on the afternoon and I watched man of steel and I fell asleep till around 6pm. Then I cooked the tofu I bought last week.
and I don’t like this one at all. I prefer the egg tofu, it tastes way better, more yummy, more delicious. So I ended up not eating it and eat a bread instead.
It’s more delicious than the tofu lol.

July 22, 2013

Horrible Weekend

I went to the campus last Saturday, for that damn practice. It was somehow in the first few hours then later a few seniors came and said this and that and directed us this and that and it became the most not enjoyable practice ever. Some of my friends’ mood turned to bad mood, so did mine. Then the others thought that the practice would end at 7pm but actually it ended at 5pm because we can’t borrow the room later than 5pm on Saturday, and it’s announced before. Then the seniors still wanted us to practice but then they decided that we’d continue the dubbing instead. I’ve done my parts so I asked to go home instead, as not all were going to join the dubbing, but they didn’t let me, and My mood turned to super bad mood. Then they added one more line for my part so I dubbed it. Then I just stayed there, so quiet and alone, while the others were playing cards or something, and I played my ipad. I was finally told to go home around 7.30pm or something. .Then I just acted nice and good like I still wanna be there though truthfully I’d just wanna teleport myself to home. I finally went home 20min later. I hate them so much.
Then I had to go to a 24h convenience store to work on the dub with a few others till almost 4am. It hadn’t finished yet but I decided to go home because the program kept on being not responding. It actually supposed to be only me and one other but 3 others came. I seriously wonder why didn’t they just sleep rather than being like “strong" or “care" or “responsibility" or such whatever. Just get some sleep idiots. Their eyes were so red, and mine was still white as always. I’m already used to pull all nighter ever since I was in junior high to study or work some stuffs or getting my hw done so I don’t really have problems to work on midnight till the morning unlike you idiots. I was so lazy at first to go there to do the editing but I went there anyway.
I woke up at 2pm on Sunday and had lunch and went back to sleep. Then I woke up again at 6pm then ordered dinner and my dad said he’s at the mall blah blah blah via my mom. Then I told him to just come to the apt because I was so fucking exhausted with the damn play stuffs. Then he called while I was getting the dinner from the delivery guy and my phone was in silent mode so I didn’t notice at all then he got angry blah blah blah blah then I didn’t reply him and I cried instead because I was suddenly attacked by him angrily what the fuck. Then he told my mom blah blah blah and I finally met him a the restaurant downstairs with my mom because I knew if I didn’t meet him then he’ll get even angrier. There’s my step brother as well and I sat there like 3 seconds and just went back to the apt and cried again and my mom went to me and I told her I didn’t really wanna meet him because he was angry at me and I wasn’t wrong at all unless I didn’t answer his call on purpose and I was mad at him blah blah blah and she went back to my father and told him blah blah blah blah and don’t get angry with others because it’d just upset them blah blah blah and we went back upstairs. I’m kinda feel guilty for leaving him like that but I’m mad at him and this thing is just so stupid perhaps if he knows how my life right now he’ll understand and because we don’t live together perhaps he thinks that I’m very close with my mom and telling her everything about my day blah blah blah and the fact is I don’t and I treated them both the same and just like before they divorced and he should know that. 

July 20, 2013


I’m kinda on diet right now. Well I just need to look slimmer actually, for the play. So I really am limiting my food. My breakfast is only a banana. Then my lunch is a little pack of oat biscuits which taste really plaiiiinnn. I don’t really have time to eat during the lunch break between the practices since I sometimes continue practicing on my own or just sleep whenever I only sleep less than 5 hours the night before. Then I usually eat a “real" snack that I usually eat on my way home, in smaller portion than I usually have, so I won’t end up craving for these snacks and eat a lot of it. After I arrive at home then I usually eat an apple and fried egg tofu, sometimes with a half-cooked sunny-side up egg and anchovies. I still eat quite a lot but my weight is decreasing though lol, my cheeks are less chubby too. But I eat normally on sunday as the reward for myself for my hard work everyday from monday to saturday in this freaking summer holiday, in smaller portion though. I don’t really do work out as I usually got home exhaustedly, so I just walk here and there and move as much as possible during the practices, while waiting for my parts, doing aloha dance, and such. But my mom isn’t aware that I’m trying to slimming my body so she got me snacks whenever she goes to the mall -_- 
My mom bought me this cocobuttons last week which I sadly really love
and my favourites cupcakes
It’s the second time I ate the green tea one. I still hope they use more green tea so the taste will be richer. 
And the day before yesterday, when I finally got to do that scene right, I decided to give myself a treat lol.
without the pudding as topping!

July 19, 2013

The Hate Cycle

So it really is cycling. That day 1, day 2, day 3 that I mentioned a few days ago. 
There’s a part that I really couldn’t do it right, and they told me to do over and over again till my mood turned bad, and when it did, I finally got it right. Although I’m not so sure that I can do it right again tomorrow. 
And I drove faster than usual because I was a little bit late and I thought I wouldn’t make it on time. Then when I was stuck at the traffic jam, suddenly one of the seniors texted me and say that there wouldn’t be any rehearsals but we’d dub the voices instead. Fuck. Then I started driving slowly. I still had to be there though. Then later at the noon that same person planned to buy the things for the play, and asked me to drove him and one other to the place where they wanna buy it and IT’S FAR!!! I couldn’t say no so I just kept quiet all the time and waiting and waiting till finally he canceled it because he’s too lazy to go the at that time -_- I really wasted my time, I’d rather be at home rather than “hanging out" with them. I seriously wonder, why don’t they just dub it seriously? It needs to be done this week yet we haven’t finished all of the recordings, and we still need time to edit it. Fuck. Do I really have to do all of the things to get them done? Sometimes I think nothing will be done on time if I don’t do it on my own. Seriously? 
And I presented for the club at today’s event for freshmen that shows the clubs of the uni. And it was so horribly bad and suck and I forgot a few things to be said and I wanted to say this and that and this and that but I was afraid that my partner and I would end up talking at the same time blah blah blah. Fuck.

July 17, 2013

Stupid Noises

I’m so sleeeeepy. I couldn’t sleep till almost 4am, and I woke up at 7am. Soooooo sleeeepyyyyy. We had practice again today and I dubbed the voice for my character for the play. So we won’t be talking live. I had a lot of takes, because I just don’t get the right intonation and the other people were making noise, unintentionally and intentionally. I was mad already but I just laughed it of. I really wanted to go home yet those people kept making noises. Fuck. Finally it was finished at around 8pm and I got home almost 9pm. I went to the mall before I finally got home, to buy bananas for breakfast. Yes, I’ve been eating bananas for breakfast everyday. Soooo sleepy.

July 16, 2013


Sooooooooo WHAT THE FUCK? Yesterday they said that if we have our own ideas about how we should act our characters we can tell them blah blah blah. And I did it today because of that one part that I kept reacting it because I can’t get to act good in that because I think it’s sooooo unnatural, like no one does that in real life, so fake, and I don’t think it’s the right reaction to the act before. Then when I told them my opinion why don’t I act like this and that blah blah blah they refused it and want me to act like what they want. WHAT THE FUCK???? WHY DON’T JUST YOU BITCHES ACT THAT PART THEN?

July 15, 2013




Well, I’m still talking of my hatred. I just realized that it’s not the job that I hate, but I hate the colleagues. I did realize it, not in a speakable way. I just hate them so fucking much.
There was a time when one approached me because I was quiet, I usually talk. First of all, I WAS QUIET BECAUSE I WAS READING ON MY IPAD AND I LOVE READING AND WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I TALK WITH SOMEONE WHEN I’M READING SOMETHING IT’LL JUST MAKE ME NOT FOCUS OKAY DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND? Then, I was kinda having stomachache that day. I started eating lots of fruits and other healthy food to relieve the constipation I’ve had for some time at once. So I think it reacted that way. Then he asked why my stomach ached and I just said I didn’t know and he kept guessing and I kept refusing I just don’t wanna say it to anyone, it’s personal, do you fucking understand? Then when he asked what time I slept the night before I said 3am then he just concluded that I was lack of sleep and I need to drink medicine and such AND I WAS DEFINITELY NOT LACK OF SLEEP THAT DAY BECAUSE I WOKE UP AT 10PM WHICH MEANS I SLEPT FOR 7 HOURS WHICH IS ENOUGH FOR A NORMAL PEOPLE TO SLEEP. I just wanna shout to everyone like Robin shouted to Patrice everytime in How I Met Your Mother. They just really irritates me. 
I’ve been having that stupid practices at the campus from the morning till the evening. And I still wanna enjoy my holiday AND WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT so I always stay up really late tumblr-ing, reading stuffs, and such unless I fall asleep. 
There’s really nothing I can do but acting nice in front of them, and hate them right after I’m inside my car ready to go home till the next day I meet them again. My nights full of hatred and even though I’ve googled how to do when I hate my colleagues and such (yes I did google them). On the first night, I will hate them, just simply hate them, becauseeeeee (you’ll know after I tell you what happens on the third night). Then the second night, I will hate them so much, I hate them a lot, I hate them very much! Finally on the third night, my hatred will reach its climax till I finally burst into tears because I just can’t hold my anger and hatred towards them. Then it’ll go back to the first night, and because I’ve cried the night before, I feel kinda relieved and don’t hate them so much.


OMG I can’t believe it, it’s Monday!! This means I have to go to the campus again today, during my first college summer holiday, to do something I really hate, meeting people whom I really hate. Time passed so fast!! I finally glad that I didn’t meet those people yesterday after my decision to ditch the event. I didn’t even reply any of their texts. WHO THE FUCK CARES. I was like sleepy all day today and I kept falling asleep when watching How I Met Your Mother and New Girl. I also ate a lot of food that will make me fat! Yesterday was the only day I could relax. I want my holiday!!!!!!! I don’t wanna be part of them anymore, they are just so depressing talking this and that and it’s so not healthy for me. I hate everything, everyone! 

July 14, 2013

Saturday Geek Night!

So I just decided to ditch the event for today so I won’t go to the campus today. Yay! Who the fuck cares! I just wanna rest! 
Yesterday, when I got home, my mom wasn’t at home. Then she told me that she’s in my uncle’s store. My uncle owns a computer hardware related things shop! Then I asked her to buy me an external hard drive because I don’t have one and I need it to back my laptop up from time to time. Just in case, you know… I wanted the white one but it’s only 500GB meanwhile my laptop storage is 750GB so I chose the blue one instead for 1TB. And I was kinda shock when my mom said the price, I thought it wouldn’t be that expensive, I hope it lasts long so it’ll worth it. 
Then she said she wanted to go to the mall afterwards, so we went to the mall. I fell asleep and wake up when she called me and tell me that she’s there already. We met at iBox. She’s been wanting MacBook Air since a few months ago but she wasn’t really sure to buy it or not because she’s afraid that it’ll be difficult to use it because she’s always used windows. Then finally today after talking with my uncle she decided to buy it, the 11" one because she likes small laptop, and buying in my uncle’s store is cheaper than the one in iBox and she’ll get this year version as well meanwhile the iBox hasn’t sold the mid 2013 version yet. I remembered that when I wanted a new laptop I read a lot of reviews and such and people said that laptops that last long are lenovo’s and apple’s. My old laptop is lenovo so I decided to buy the apple’s one instead. Actually my old laptop was still good, but it’s quite slow because it has too many files and I just don’t know what to erase because they all are important to me so and the speed was slow even though I know I could just upgrade the memory card or something I forget the name but I wanna a better display quality because I like to watch movies and tv shows on my laptop and I love to play online games as well and it’s like I just need to upgrade some of the hardware but I also wanted to upgrade to windows 8 but the current spec of my old laptop isn’t good enough, my dad said it’ll be slow on my old laptop. So instead of changing this and that and erase this and that I just decided to buy a new one instead. Did I think of upgrading at that time? I didn’t think so. Perhaps I just simply wanted a new one lol. Well my mom suddenly asked me whether I wanted an ipad mini or a laptop that can turn to tablet pc, the one that you can separate the screen and keyboard.. Then I said I wanted the macbook instead. Then she agreed and I was really glad and thankful to her lol. Then I researched quite a lot again, reading lots of review, trying to understand all of those specs (and I understand now lol) comparing the air and the pro ones. The macbook air has better display quality and it suits me because I love to watch movies and such and play games and such but the storage isn’t big enough for me as I’ve wanted to make a partition on my laptop later for windows 8. Then people said the pro is better because the hardwares are upgradeable and it’s recommended for college students, especially for its long life. Well not only apple says this, but those users too. Then finally I decided on the pro. Then I was struggling between the 13" or 15" ones lol. I love big screen but it’s not quite handy to carry and weigh more and I kinda knew that I’d be carrying this a lot to campus (and I do!) so I decided to buy the 13" with 750GB storage so I have a lot of space for the os x and enough space for windows 8.And the 750GB automatically comes with i7 soooo it sorta help to play online games lol. 
We had dinner at Takigawa. I ate takigawa rolls as always and cheezy seafood pan which I forgot to take the pic of it.
Then we went to the groceries. I bought fruits again. Yay! Bananas, apples, a watermelon and a grapefruit! I found the grapefruit! And I was so shock for the price!!! It was IDR40 thousands something and it equals to like around USD 4!!! Meanwhile, I researched on the net, the price was less than $1 there for each! And I just realized that the apples are expensive too! I bought 5 of apples. Then I also bought this yummiest snack in the world! I think it’ll be really hard for me to have flat belly lol.

Holiday is “everyday to campus" day

Seriouslyyyyyy I just wanna lazying around doing meaningless things for hours and realized wow it’s already x o’clock what have i been doing all day blah blah blah, that kind of thing… and then just do it day by day till the holiday is wow it’s one month already, then wow it’s two months already, wow only 1 week left. Sadly I have to go to campus everyday for the org which I currently hate so much and the people as well because they’re turning my 3 months holiday to 1 month holiday ;____; I couldn’t even meet T for the last time this holiday because I’m too busy with those stupid things I hate so muchhhhhh!!!!!! I can’t have fun with my friends, I just wanna have fun with my friends, it’s holiday what’s so wrong with that ;______; Even when I said I’m going to campus again today she was like “huh? going to campus? again?" I MYSELF DON’T WANNA GO!!! IT’S SUNDAY AND I’VE GONE THERE FOR 6/7 AND TODAY WILL BE 7/7 I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!! THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!!!!!!! I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THE ORG I HATE THE CAMPUS I HATE DRIVING IN THE MORNING I HATE GETTING SO MUCH PRESSURE FROM SENIORS I HATE BEING TOLD THIS AND THAT EVEN THOUGH I’VE DONE SO MUCH THAT THEY JUST DON’T SEE IT I HATE THEM SO MUUUUCH!!!!!! 

July 13, 2013

Egg Tofu / Tofu Telur

I woke up late again yesterday and I kept snoozing the alarms for about an hour and half. So I woke up at 12, because I couldn’t sleep till about 5am. I was sleepy but whenever I was on my bed, I just can’t sleep and not sleepy anymore. Then when I saw whatsapp on my phone, my classmates were talking about the calculus final exam scores which has been recently uploaded. My score isn’t good at all. Who the fuck cares. 
My mood wasn’t as bad as the day before. I didn’t feel any bad mood or such. But I wasn’t happy either. We were practicing the same parts from the day before, and I still am not satisfied with my acting. I wonder how to be more expressive….
I arrived at home at 6pm. I cooked the egg tofu I bought a few days ago for my dinner. I used to buy this quite a lot years ago, and my grandma would cook it for me. I chose this one because that chick is so cute lol.
Then I put it out
And sliced it
Then fried it
aaaaand voila!
I love egg tofu because it’s smooth and yummy!! 
I also ate papayas yesterday and the cut was better than the previous one lol.

July 12, 2013


15 more days till my birthday!!! I’ll be 19 soon. I’m kinda excited and sad. I won’t be able to join the audition again as the limit to apply is 18yo ;_; but I’m kinda excited to celebrate it.
Last year I celebrated it alone and it was like one of the most enjoyable day of my life. No one bothered me, I did things I like. I even watched the last concert of westlife in the cinema!! I treated myself with my favourite food as well. 
Actually I wanted to celebrate my birthday with my friends for this year, but they’re just waaaaay tooooo busy that I kinda lose hope on them so rather than throwing a birthday party and no one will come and I’ll definitely become pathetic so I think I’ll just celebrate my birthday alone again this year. I don’t plan on inviting my classmates and colleagues as well, they’re just not worth it… I wanted to have birthday dinner with my friends in a fast food restaurant, not a fancy one, junk food sometimes are more delicious than other food lol. I was thinking Carl’s Jr. and even though it’s in a fast food restaurant, everyone must get dressed formally, with a dress, heels, make up, hair-do, and such lol. Then we’ll just have chit chat and catching up with each other because we haven’t really talked this year. But I also wanted to do pajamas party. But my apartment is too small for it and there’s not enough room for us to sleep. They’ll at the afternoon then we’ll do some random fun things like a stupid game or something and record videos and then we’ll cook for the dinner and eat them and stay till really late, like till in the morning, and then they’ll go home in the morning and I’ll sleep for hours lol. Sadly it’s so unlikely to happen though because they’re sooooo busy. Why are they so busy? Well I’m busy as well though…..not always.
So I’ll just celebrate it alone, or with my dog, and my mom perhaps. But I’d rather go alone or just with my dog. So it’ll be as peaceful as heaven. I’m still planning on buying a birthday cake for me though. I love birthday cakes! lol. I had ice cream cake last year, but I didn’t really like the flavour. So I think I’ll buy an ice cream cake again this year, but in my favourite flavour, even though the size is too big for me lol. I was thinking about having green tea flavoured cake too but ice creams always give me somewhat happy feeling meanwhile not all green tea taste good, those which have only little green tea have the-not-delicious flavour on it and I don’t like it. Then I’ll buy something for myself. I don’t really know what I want right now, the one that myself can afford lol. I want that sony digital camera tx30, but I don’t think I’ll ask it to my parents though. I want a new phone but I still love my iphone 4 right now. The design still uses glasses, unlike the iphone 5, so it still has that classy feeling even though the spec isn’t as good as the 5. I think I wanna ask for iphone 6 if it’s released, perhaps next year. But if the design doesn’t look classy, then I won’t have it. I kinda wanted s4 but….well….I like android, but ios is still the best, for the apps and such. I want to get belly piercing, but unfortunately my belly isn’t flat enough for it to look good so I think I’ll just postpone this till I get rid the pot belly. I’ll buy a lot of snacks, sweets, and eat a lot of yummy desserts that will make me soooo fat. I’ve gone to spa a few days ago so I don’t think I’ll have one again on my birthday. I think I’ll buy comics as well, and anything else that looks cute and I can afford it lol.
Buuuuuut even though it’s on saturday, I’ll have to go to campus for that rehearsal uuughhh I hate it! I wish I can have a day off for my birthday… It probably will end at 5pm and perhaps I’ll get home at almost 6pm so I don’t really have much time to celebrate my birthday :(

Rainy Summer

Yesterday I set alarms on 9am something, but I somehow kept snoozing it till 10am and I was shock when I saw the clock on my phone because I wanted to have breakfast before I go to the campus, but if I got up at 10am then there’s no time for breakfast. So I just ate wafers on my way to the campus. I had a dream about meeting KARA, the location is in my elementary-junior high school buildings (I somehow often dream being there, but not studying at all or such any school related events), and there’s my ex-classmate (he moved to other uni) and one of my colleagues, then I kinda remember that my ex-classmate was sooo happy that he’s meeting KARA (which in real life I’m kinda sure that he doesn’t know them at all) and we had to go somewhere else but he told me to stay longer because he still wanted to have a chitchat with the members, and told me to keep pushing the ‘+’ button on my phone so they’ll extend the time for him to talk with the members without being cut by the authorities, and I did push the button in real life which snoozed the alarms which I quite remember because I woke up every time the alarm rang but I just got back to sleep -_- 
Then I woke up, not happy, and I drove to the campus, the bad mood got worse. I got there at 11 something, only a few minutes late, and I went upstairs to the room and as I expected that there’s no one’s there yet. So I went downstairs and wait for anyone who showed up. The first practice was the dance, but those who are supposed to dance just showed up at almost 1pm. Almost 2 hours were wasted. Then the play practice started at 3pm, and the coach was able to come yesterday, so we finished all parts of the play. I wasn’t in bad mood during the practice though, as I kinda like it right now. It’s really a challenge for me to act since I’m sooooo expression-less and intonation-less lol. 
It finished at 5pm so I went straight home, it was raining, and when I was still half way to my car, the rain suddenly got very heavy -_- It’s supposed to be summer, but the rain was soooooo heavy. And when I was only a few meters away from the campus, I couldn’t really saw the road, and only like lights of the cars, and all I could see was only 2 meters at most. I thought it was because I haven’t washed my car for quite a long time so the screen was dirty and got mixed up with water and the wiper spread it all to the screen and I was so anxious because this never happened before. The theory wasn’t so logical though because the rain supposed to clear all the dirts on my car. I drove super slow and I tried wiping the front screen but it had no effect and it made me even more anxious. Then I decided to pull over at a small parking lot, to wait the rain till it’s over. But then I touched the screen and I was shocked because it’s actually dew!! So there were all dew all over the screen front and back, the windows, so I wiped it all with kleenex but the dew was keep getting back. Then I was quite desperate and I saw those AC controllers and get an idea. So I changed the AC temperature from cold to warm enough to clear all the dew and it worked like wonder! So glad! Then I drove back to home. The roads were already flooded a little, and there’s also a path where the flood reached the lowest body of my car and I could hear the water hit that lowest body of my car and I was so afraid that my car would break down but luckily it didn’t I was so glad. 
I finally arrived at home and I was kinda hungry ate a cup of yogurt. It was a small cup and I was still hungry so I ate a banana. Then I watched how i met your mother again and then I ordered dinner and it took longer than usual for the food to get here. Then I continued watching how i met your mother and I fell asleep till my mother got home. 
Then I did a little grooming to my dog. Well I only brushed his fur though, because his furs has started falling out quite much again.

July 11, 2013

(NOT) Enjoy!

I know I haven't been really enjoying my life lately, and it's quite sad. I feel everyday is a bad day and there's always major bad mood every day. I don't even have a dream anymore. It's like I've buried all of my dreams. I'm turning 19 soon and that means no more chance to join jkt48. Why isn't it formed like 5 years ago so I'd have more years trying my best for their audition every year, and I'll be younger as well, as they're looking for younger members rather than old members. I'm sooooooo sad. But everytime I see them, I keep wondering to myself, if I were one of them, when would I start complaining about those stuffs that I have to learn, the exercise which is quite heavy for me, but all of those, I'd learn it eventually and adjust with it. Well I'm just the type of person who likes to complain. Not a very good type of person huh. Then the other dream, S, I just don't know. I have no passion for it anymore. And for the stage play which I'm currently interested in, is it still okay for me to have a new dream? is it too late? I don't know why my life isn't enjoyable at the moment. Even though I wanna enjoy it, I can't. It's like I'm already on my limit to be with those many people. I'm not used to be around a lot of people, but this year's a really big difference with the past 18 years of my life. Well, I did adapt with this situation, but it seems I also have my own limit you know. I just deactivated my twitter account. I don't really use it in the past few months so I decided to just deactivate it. Less social, the better, I guess, for right now. I actually also wanna delete my facebook account, but all informations that I have to know about the org are posted there. Fuck. Even when I uploaded a new photo to be my profile picture, some of people from that org commented on that pic. It was only 2 people at first so I just replied it, but then the next day I went onliine it got a few more. And I just don't know what to answer them and too lazy to reply them all as well so I just ignore it. I just want the old me to live in the present, not this current me whom has changed like almost 180°. Hey, high school was quite stressful too with the art workloads and writing a super long essay for business studies and writing another long stories for english, but I could still enjoy them somehow. Even in junior high, when my friends were less than 10 as we're somehow indirectly bullied(?) I don't know I don't really mind those stupid jerks at all though they bad mouthed us, calling us with stupid nicknames and such, still enjoyable. And now??????? what the fuck is happening right now???????? Maybe it's true after all. It's better to have only a few friends rather than having a lot of friends but you aren't happy. Butttttt I don't really even think they're my friends. My friends whom I know from the org are more like colleagues to me, and my friends whom I know from the class are really just like classmates. But my friends from junior high and high school are somewhat I could call them friends, well not all, some are just too hypocrite. I don't have any goals for my life right now and it feels so meaningless. And I don't know what to achieve anymore, everything seems to be soooooo stupid and soooooo not enjoyable.

July 10, 2013

who cares

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I went to the campus at almost 8:30am and I thought I’d be late, I was a little late, but still I was the first one to come, what the fuck. Only two people including me who got there at around 9am, the rest came starting 10am, fuck them. I wish I could do it too, but I’m just somehow feel obligated to be there on time. I do have to be there on time. We do have to be there on time. The rest just don’t really care, I guess. Then I went home at 2pm or 3pm because of my stupid heartburn attack(?). Well I didn’t have lunch, but sometimes I don’t have heartburn attack even though I eat so late. I don’t know. Perhaps it’s depend on my whole body condition as well. 
Then I went to the mall to have lunch and to buy fruits. I had late lunch at ramen hachimaki because my mom said it’s good but it isn’t good as I thought. Ikkudo rame is still the best! Then I bought fruits and yogurts. I bought papayas, bananas, apples. Oh and cucumbers too. And the yogurts. I bought a brand of yogurt that I’ve never eaten before.
Then I went home. Actually I wanted to sleep right after I got home, but it’s almost dinner time so I decided to stay awake for a little while. I ate the papayas while waiting for the dinner. It was the first time for me to peel of papayas on my own, and it didn’t turn out really great -_-
Then I ordered dinner and had dinner and watched pretty little liars and I fell asleep in the middle of the episode. I woke up when my mom get home then I continued watching the pretty little liars. 
Then I saw 2 new texts on my phone. One is a reminder for a briefing tomorrow and the other one is from my senior and she’s like you’re the pic for the drama right so you have to be like this do this do that blah blah blah. It kinda hurts me since I actually have been doing almost all of those stuffs. And that one particular that I haven’t done also not entirely my fault. And I think it’s better that way. That person who has the letter for borrowing the room lives around the campus meanwhile I’m quite far. What if I get really sick and can’t go to the campus for the rehearsal at all? I often get sick whenever I’m busy with these org things but I always forced my body to keep going, since it’s just headache though, or fever, or vomiting, but these could lead to severe sickness right? That’s why whenever I know someone can’t come because they’re sick, and not a “big" disease like super high fever, dengue fever, typhus, or such, that needs to be hospitalized, I’ll be like “helloooo what the fuck are you doing I’m also sick even worse than yours but I still come and do my job here" in my mind. I just don’t want the room can’t be used because the letter is with me and I’m super sick at my home and indeed need a bedrest and those seniors will blame me no matter what, even though it’s their fault in the first place. Who the fuck cares.

Pot Belly

I can’t sleep!!!! I finally decided to sleep and I can’t sleep at all!!! I’m a bit sleepy but I can’t sleep!!! I was quite sleepy but it somehow is decreasing because I think a lot and now I can’t sleep!! I’ve been thinking a lot of things, especially the play, how I should act, what moves I should make, then what if the outfits I’ll wear for the outfit show my pot belly???? OMG I really need to get rid of this fat like in one month -_- Then I started reading stuffs on all women stalk especially about diet and weight loss but somehow I’ve always failed at such things. I just can’t stop eating junk food and sweets! I even often forget to drink a lot of water which I just planned a little while ago. So I put on my reminders, with alarms! It’s kinda stupid actually….. reminders to drink a glass of water every few hours…. but If I don’t… then I won’t drink it unless I’m very thirsty. A bad habit of mine, since I was a kid -_- But it’s better rather than not drinking at all, right? Then perhaps I’ll do grocery shopping soon, if I get the time to do so, to buy yogurts and fruits. I didn’t know that drinking 8-10 glasses of water can help me flatten my belly, it is a way to detox blah blah blah I don’t really understand about such things. I only knew that it was good for skin.

5th day of holiday

Oh man it’s 3am and I haven’t slept yet and I have to wake up at 7:30am in the morning since I have to be at the campus at 9am for the rehearsal today.
I like to watch bunch of random videos on youtube lately. There was a time that I cried over a video of a soldier whom just got home and met her dog and the dog was whining or crying or such. Then I found a video about trips that this group of people took and one person of that group made really good videos about the trips they had, and apparently they are performers of Disney Live oh my god what a dream job that you’ve got to do the things you love as your job and you can travel around the world because of it. I think it’s too late for me to dream it, but is it? idk even this play for this august will be the first time for me, and I’m not a great actress at all as I’ve always been told that my face is super poker face all the time. I practised at home though, I just don’t want the play will be bad because of my poker face -_- Then I watched videos about an american whom has japanese husband then I watched the videos about another american doing student exchange to japan. It’s quite interesting to know their lives actually, and there’s also videos like that about indonesia but I’m not really interested to watch them right now.
I’m quite sleepy right now but I kinda feel I’d rather do something interesting as it’s supposed to be holiday for me. I actually want to call my friend who’s supposed to be the PIC of the dance for the event in august as she hasn’t come to the practices at all meanwhile I have that feeling of responsibility that I must always attent it on time unless I’d definitely feel guilty about it, and I just wanna scream at her to relieve my stress right now. But one of my seniors said just enjoy it so I’m trying my best to enjoy it even though the fact is I can’t really enjoy it. And I still don’t know what character that I will play since yesterday that person whom have to play one of the main roles didn’t come and not really replying any of messages so I was told to play that character instead but someone said she’s gonna come today so I don’t know.
I was truly in bad mood today so I visited omegle after quite a long time, trying to get rid of my anger and it did eventually. I was lucky enough that I got to chat with a nice and not horny stranger about some random stuffs mostly about indonesia and the living here because he asked about that so I just answered it even though I don’t really know about it either. Sometimes the life you live in your country is actually quite different with what foreigners think about.

July 9, 2013

Stupid Day

I slept so early yesterday. I was asleep at about 9pm but then I awoke at 4am and couldn’t sleep till like 6:30am. Then I finally woke up at 11:30am. Yesterday I was told that the practice for today was canceled, but earlier this morning I was texted that there’d be practice for today at 11am. Fuck, bad mood in super early in the morning. Then I replied the text that I’d be late because I had to take care of this crazy provider that made me keep losing my balances stupidly. But I was too lazy to go to that place, and I couldn’t call the customer service either since I have no balance left, so I just searched it on the google. It’s said that I have to change the setting to 3G only thus the internet data won’t cut off my balances again. Apparently there’s no such setting in my phone and I was really ready to go mad at their customer center at 3rd floor on the mall. But I’ve been having this fucking toothache since yesterday. I think one of the last teeth is growing and it’s so damn painful. So I decided to buy a new sim card instead. Then I bought it at the other center in the mall, different provider. And it took sooooooo long for me to finally be called. I was kinda stupid as well there. I should choose the cheaper one instead and activate the package with less data available so I could spend less money. Stupid me. I just realized after I’ve paid it. Stupid. Then I went to the campus for the practice. I arrived at around 1:30pm and nobody was in the room. Fuck. They were having this thing first for the freshmen enrichment program at the other building which is quite far from the building for the practice and no one really told me about it. Why the fuck he told us the practice would be at 11am if you all wanna go to that thing? Stupid. I was so lazy to go to campus today and I thought I’d be late for the practice instead and when I got there no one was there. I was kinda feeling guilty that I was late for more than 2 hours but then no one was there it just turned me to another bad mood. Damn. Then I was about to texted my friend if he and the rest wouldn’t be there soon I’d just go instead as I actually had to go to T’s house to get my things that I asked her to buy in SG and celebrate her birthday with R as well. Then he and a few others suddenly appeared at 2pm. Then we went to the room for the practice but there really was not enough people to start the practice. Then I asked him whether we’d have practice for today or not and then he said today would be for the DANCE practice instead of the DRAMA practice. OMG why the fuck I went to the campus then and what makes me more upset is the plan to go to T’s house was canceled as well as R is too busy doing her homeworks or project or whatever and T went to other place blah blah blah well anyway it’s raining all day I’m kinda glad that I don’t have to go there either since the traffic jam will be everywhere at time like this. But I don’t really care about it anymore though, who the fuck cares. We’re all just too busy to do that thing. Then that ridiculous friend of mine who is my coor for this event told me that the practice for today would be till 3pm only OMG I just didn’t know what to say anymore, only bad words swears curses could go out from my mouth. I really wanna throw everything to pieces in front of him to show him how mad I am. Today’s so stupid.

July 7, 2013


I’ve been living in my current apartment for almost a year, or perhaps it’s been a year…. I forget. I moved here last july, I forget the exact date though.  And he doesn’t even live here, her sister does, at level 20 or 30 something. My dog was always barking during the first few nights because he was anxious for a new place I guess and he had to sleep alone, since I used to sleep almost with him for almost everyday in the previous 5 years. 
Anyway, I kinda like it living here though because it’s beside a mall, and there’s also a mall beside that mall. And it’s also a strategic place. I often go to south Jakarta and it’s not so difficult to remember the way there, as it’s mostly only going straight. It’s also near the highway to go to the place I lived before here so it’s easy to meet my old friends, but it’s actually quite far even though and always there’s always traffic jam every rush hour so I actually kinda lazy to drive all the way there. The apt also has good view during the new year’s eve, there were fireworks everywhere and I love it! But there’s also a time when I was at the mall, and I was reading my book as I was studying for the mid term exam the next of the day, and there’s suddenly a black guy sat in front of me. Soooooooooo scary. He didn’t even asked me whether that seat was available or not. Soooooooo not polite. Well he’s not from here so perhaps he just didn’t know that kind of thing in the cultures here. 
I still don’t know any of my neighbours but one of the very first friends I have when I entered the uni for freshmen enrichment program. I’ve seen them though, but I guess it’s not a culture we have hare to greet each other, unless they know each other. There’s a family with kids who live at the most right unit and the kids are always running whenever they go home, and the sound of the running is kinda annoying. There’s also a husband and wife whom the wife is currently pregnant and her belly is so big that I think she’s gonna give birth at any second. There was also a unit where I think 3 corporate guys live together but they have moved out now, I saw them the day they were leaving. And that unit is currently lived by a Chinese guy (I think) who likes to open the door whenever he’s cooking. There’s also a unit which also has a dog on it. Then my left unit is lived by a guy who’s in his early 20s I guess, from his look. There are also a few girls living in different units on the right side of the elevators. I’m on the left side.
I’ve heard a lot of sounds since living here. The sound the noise of nails tapping to the floor when a dog walks on the upper unit but I think the family isn’t living there anymore since I haven’t heard it for quite a while. I’ve also heard a woman moaning and it’s so annoying. I’ve also heard a fight about a girl whom I think a uni student as well, asked by her mom to accompany her grandma or whoever that can’t be left alone at the unit, and she’s not allowed to go out with her friends and she wants to hang out with her friends as she has a life out there, her friends and such blah blah blah, and she isn’t comfortable with the situation at her home. There’s also a couple who have been fighting for a few days, even at 3am. I’ve also heard drunk guys around 2am. There’s also a time when a person tried to open my door by mistake, and as they realized it’s locked they realized it’s the wrong unit. I was kinda shock because it was midnight time.
There’s also a time when I was followed by 2 suspicious girls so I walked out of the elevator at the 1st floor and went to the mini market to buy something just to get rid of them. But I don’t really think I was followed, perhaps it’s just me because they didn’t follow me walking out of the elevator, or they’re clever enough that it’ll be too obvious for them to follow me if they also walk out of the elevator. Then when I was waiting for the elevator to go upstairs afterwards, there’s this black guy who talked to me and I just replied him to be polite, it’s kinda my nature. Then when I walked out of the elevator he also did and that’s quite scary and he started talking again to me and luckily I had to go at that time so he let me go. Sooooooo scary. Perhaps he’s just being nice but he’s kinda interested in me and he said it himself and I don’t know whether it’s in good or bad way and it’s just simply scary. I’ve also heard a lot of dogs barking from here and there. not a disturbance for me though.

My Dog

I woke up at early today! 1pm lol. My dog always knows when I’m awake even though I’m not out of my bedroom yet. It’s because the sound when I turn the AC off. Then he usually wait for me to come out with super happy face. Then he’ll ask me to be held. It’s quite a different story though if I get up early in the morning for school. Usually he’s still too lazy to get up to me as and just lay down while watching me preparing things. Cute dog ❤

Kabaya Puchi Purin Choko

Pudding flavoured + shaped chocolates. Cuteness 10000000000000000000000000%


I haven’t done anything productive since yesterday. I watched diary of a wimpy kid dog days, how i met your mother, and Tanaka Reina’s graduation again. Then I watched Takahashi Ai’s, the ceremony part and when she and Niigaki Risa sang suki na senpai and makoto and konkon were there too and then I bursted into tears. Then I also watched Niigaki Risa’s graduation ceremony and why the 5th gen members graduations were so sad full of tears meanwhile Tanaka Reina’s wasn’t that sad though it’s sad but she managed to make jokes and laughed it off along with the other members….
I’ve been re-customizing my phone since Friday. I changed the UI to be ios 7-like and put lots of hello kitty and pink lol. There’s time when it stuck on apple logo during the rebooting but after searching in google how to fix that it finally went okay again as I haven’t backed up my phone for quite a long time. But I really love my lockscreen so I keep it the same as ever. 
Perhaps today’s the last day of my enjoyable holiday as starting tomorrow there’ll be that drama practice 6/7 till mid of August. I really wish I could have free time for 3 months long……